Keep social media at bay!

Are you stuck with your phone 24/7? Are you unable to live without your phone for 5 minutes also? Are you obsessed with your phone? Are you too lost in your phone? Do you not talk with people around you? Do you have any track of time spent on social media? Do you keep checking your phone every 5 minutes? Do you carry your smartphone in the washroom as well?

If all these or some of these are applicable to you, then my dear friend, you are too obsessed with your phone. You are a social person, a person who uses social media and interacts with other people by sharing, liking, or commenting. Such people can't live without their phones for even a minute. They get some or the other notification and keep on scrolling their feeds, checking what is new, what people are sharing, and so on. 

When social was invented, only a few people could access it. But as its use increased, more people started using social media. When the lockdown was imposed, people had only a few options left, and using social media was one of that. As per a survey, "In the first week of lockdown, Indians spent more than 4 hours on social media on a daily basis (an 87% increase from a week before lockdown). 75% of people were spending more time on Twitter, Facebook, and WhatsApp as compared to the week before the lockdown.

All these statistics show that social media usage of most people increased during the lockdown. But not of all people. There are people (maybe a small number of people) who didn't use social media like these people. One of whom is me. Yes, I am asocial person (I hardly use social media). Be it Instagram or be it WhatsApp I don't use social media platforms much. 

Reasons for not using social media

• Time wasting: Using social media is a complete waste of time. You just keep on checking what are people doing, scrolling down the feed and you also lose the track of time. 
• Addiction: Social media definitely is addictive. You keep using it with no intention and you end up spending more than then you expected. 
• No use, no gain: We use social media without any use. We do not gain anything by using it. Take this example, you check feeds of people, like the posts, comment, and share sometimes, what do you gain from it? You upload something to gain popularity, feel good, get complimented or accepted by your social media followers, and so on. 
• Battery consuming: Using social media also consumes your phones, laptops, or tablets battery. This way your phone's battery dies and you need to either carry a power bank or charge it.
• Self-harm: I personally feel that I harm myself by using social media. My eyes have to stare at the screen, my brain needs to focus on it, my hands need to hold the phone. All these affect me and my body. 
• Negativity: Social media has so much negativity in it. People trolls celebrities. Some trends go viral and people follow it like dumbs. Most personalities aren't even real on social media. What they show and what they actually are, is different. 
• Data issues: The information we put online can be used by anyone. The big media owners, the advertisers, other users, government, etc. This way your data can be leaked or can be used without you, knowing about it, by anyone. Thus, cybersecurity is another threat. 

How to stay away from social media?

• Social media detox: Social media detox means not using social media or taking a break from social media. This can be done for a day or a week and you can log out of such platforms or uninstall for a certain time duration. With detox, you will know how much time you spent on social media and how that could have been utilized in doing something really worthy for yourself. 
• Mute the notification: One of the best to stop checking the phone is to mute the notification of applications or your phone. I have muted all applications notification except for Gmail. This way I only check SM when I want to and not when it wants me to check. 
• Fix time duration: I have a no phone use policy after 11 or 12 sometimes. This way I don't end up using my phone and forget to sleep. 
• Uninstall or log out: You can uninstall or log out from social media applications after you are done using it. This will make you lazy to log in again and again and you will prefer not to use it. 
• Start a hobby: Take out time for yourself. Start painting, dancing, singing, sketching, or whatsoever you want to do or wished to. It's the right time to start it. 
  
  
  
  
  

Friends, I know social media is addictive. But we ourselves only can control it. No one else can. It's in your hands how much to use when to use, to use, or not to use. So stay vigilant of your time spent on social media. Meditate, do yoga, exercise, and take out time for yourself not for others who don't even care for you. Always remember, netizens won't be there for you when you need them. Your family members, closed ones, real friends will be there. 

I hope you all are doing well and staying at home (more). See you soon and till then Take care. 🙏

Shaadi, not my thing!

Marriages' are the official permission from society and parents live together as a couple, in the eyes of everyone.  It is a validation and approval from the people of the society. Getting married means committing to be together for a lifetime. Marriages in our society are huge. They are expensive because we have to show off our money to get respect. Marriage is a choice!

When youngsters turn 23, society starts asking questions like, "beta shaadi kab kar rahe ho, Shaadi ki umar ho gayi hai tumhari, itni badi ho gayi hai aapki beti and so on."

Our society treats शादी  as if it is a compulsion, not an option. Hum shaadi or bache paida karne ke liye hi janme hai or shaadi karna bahut zaroori hai and this is regardless of your gender.

My sister got married at 25. I have to get married at that age because uske baad ache rishte nahi milte hai or shaadi karne ki sahi umar nikal jayegi.

Marriages - responsibilities or just fun?

I never understood the concept of getting married to someone. According to me, marriages are conducted so that the individual does not have to die alone. It is like someone has got your back. You have a companion when you get old and you have someone for your lifetime (until you die) to spend your days with. No boredom for lonely days.

Marriage comes with this full-fledged package, where you get groom or bride and their entire families. You don't just marry a person, but his/her entire family. Proper communication with everyone is judged. You have to take care of two families, not just one.

Marriages are so hyped up today in our society because of all the fictional novels, movies, television serials. Traditionally it wasn't a big fat Indian wedding. Today, we have bachelors, Haldi ceremony, Mehendi ceremony, pre-wedding shoot, honeymoon, and so on. All this started because of the entertainment industry only. There is a huge difference between real life and reel life marriages. I say again, Marriage is a choice!

"Shaadi ka ladoo jo khaye, woh pachtaye. Or jo nah khaye, woh bhi pachtaye." - is a common proverb. It means, if you get married, you will be disappointed. If you don't get married, you will imagine doing so because marriages are beautiful. I don't believe that all marriages are beautiful. Some marriages are not worth spending time.

Why Is Marriage Required?

• To give birth to a child: One can do that before marriage as well. But society won't approve that because it is immoral according to them.

• To not die alone: I came into this world alone!. What difference it would make if I die alone? Anyway, I can't take anyone else with me.

• Because no one will marry you after you get old and you will look ugly.

• I turned 23 and this is the perfect age to get married. I won't get good guys or girls after a certain age.

• What will society think? Let them think whatever they want to think. I am independent now and I wanna live my life before I get committed to someone.

                  

 Why Marriage is A Choice?

Not everyone wants to get married. Some people don't want to get married until they find someone they love. Some people don't believe in arrange marriages as it is risky. There are some people who can live their lives on their own. Some people don't want to get married until they feel like doing so. Some people would rather die alone than marrying anyone.

Yaha khud ka toh khayal rakha jaa nahi raha hai, dusro ka kaise rakhu main?

I would like to learn how to cook for myself. Why cook only to fill someone else's stomach? I can do all my stuff by myself. I know guys who won't help in the kitchen, who won't do their own laundry, who won't help in any household chores. Marriages should not be done when people want us to get married, but when we are ready to do so.

 

Things which I am tired of hearing -

• Hamari tabiyat sahi nahi rehti hai beta, time se shaadi karlo taaki hum free ho jaye. If this is the case, then don't you wanna live with me? Don't you want your children to be with you and you taking rest?

• Bade ho gaye ho. Umar ho gayi hai shaadi ki. Why is there even a perfect age to get married? You get inspired by serials so much on other things. Salman Khan is 50 and still not married.

• Learn how to cook. Why? because ladke ke gharwalo ko khana bana ke tujhe hi toh khilana hai. Why girls must know how to cook? Why guys shouldn't? If you want to be independent, regardless of your gender, you must know how to cook.

• Ladkiyo ko padha kar kya karenge, aakhir kaam toh unhe kitchen me hi karna hai. Girls today are shining in most fields and you still think this. Jhulan Goswami, an Indian woman cricketer is 37 years young, and still not married. She is a leading wicket-taker in the world. Sushmita Sen adopted 2 girls and was a single parent for half her life.

• Shaadi toh karni hi padhegi. Kyu karni padhegi? Uske bina Zindagi nahi jeete hai kya log?

My marriage is my marriage, none of your marriage! 

 

What Is The Real Problem Here?

The problem here is not marriage. Marriage is a choice! The problem is getting unasked responsibilities.

If I am a guy who is getting married, I have to earn for the family. I have to earn more because I will be the sole breadwinner for the family. If I am a girl who is getting married, I have to do all the household chores including, cooking and doing laundry. This is the general concept of our society. The problem is all these sick mentalities of society and the defined gender roles.

Intercaste and inter-religion marriages are still not allowed in our society. Girls are supposed to wear certain attires after marriages like a saree or suit (boys toh abhi bhi apne ghar par hi hai). The gold, the dowry, the money, the food, the photoshoot, dresses, and everything in the marriage is a show-off. A place where we can spend Rs. 1lakh, we have to spend Rs. 40 lakh and plus. It is like a competition if XYZ spent Rs. 50 lakh, I will spend Rs.1crore. Do a simple court marriage, if required.

What is the point in feeding the people, who will say - Matar Paneer mein Paneer nahi tha?

 

Conclusion

Meri marzi hai me kab shaadi karu, mein shaadi karu ya na karu. Meri life hai, meri choice hai. I just want to say that, Shaadi tabhi karo, jab you feel like doing it. Don't get married under family pressure. Problems like divorce accompany such marriages. Marriage doesn't guarantee lifetime commitment. People get separated even after 10-15 years of marriage. Do you know why? Because Marriage is a choice!

 

Dear society, please let me decide about my marriage and my life. Please don't interfere with my personal matters. For once last time, Marriage is a choice!

Is just one day enough for your relationship?

There are 8760 hours, 365 days, or 52 weeks, 12 months in a year (leap year is an exception). But why do we still need to celebrate someone's relationship just for 1 day? We can celebrate mother's day, father's day, friendship day, valentine's day, and so on days, EVERY DAY.  Is one day enough for such appreciations? 

I don't know, which id**t, started these days, and why. I don't understand, why do we need just 1 day to celebrate relationships? When you are in contact with your friends and family members throughout the year, why do you need to show every kind of love just for one day? Where does the love go rest time of the year? And is"har din Pyaar dikhane se acha hai, Ek din me hi sab khatam Karo" your concept? 

I don't really believe, friendship day must be just for one day. I don't really believe, mother's and father's day must be just for one day. We won't love our friends or parents just for one day exceptionally. We love them each and every single day.

Also, it is strange but true that, everything is just for social media and social pressure and its show-off. If your friend is posting on mother's day, you also should do the same with a long note. I have seen almost all celebrities posting on such occasions. I have also seen my friends posting about it. I am not that kind of person. I am Asocial and I don't care.

Nowadays, birthday wishes come after the social media posting and sometimes that doesn't even come. I don't remember when social media became our lives and not just a part of our lives. Everything has become " A DIKHAWA" even though it doesn't feel like doing this. For showing off, we can do anything. 

People, please use your brains and stop being binded by such shitty rules and concepts. If you really want to celebrate your friendship, tell your friends directly. You don't need other people to know, how grateful you are to have your friend in your life. It is your life and you don't need to show something to someone. If you love someone, you don't need to show your love by small acts of kindness or help. People must know that you love them. Love comes from hurt, not from pressure or from posting on social media. 

Also,  I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU WHO ARE IN MY LIFE, MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY MEMBERS, AND THE WHOSOEVER I KNOW. 

I know, I don't show my love for you anywhere or to you also (not much). But I do care for you and love you exceptionally. Keep reading and sharing my blog posts. See you soon. Till then, stay at home and be safe. LOVE💓!

Gratitude, Be Grateful.

Whenever you eat at a cafe and the food is not good, you give it bad review, you complain about it, to the manager and you even fight because you paid for it. But, how many times have you given credits to them or complimented them for good food? It is so easy to criticise someone for bad food you had (even though you didn't like it, you will eat). But appreciating someone or complimenting someone seems to be tough. 

Gratitude is all we need. You must have come across the word "Gratitude" while using social media. Social media influencers talk about it a lot. What actually is gratitude? Why is it important? 

Gratitude basically is thanking everyone for everything which you have in your life. You can thank GOD for the life it gave, you can thank the person who cook food for you, you can be thankful to your family, for the materialistic life you have and so on. It can be as small as thanking people around you and as big as thanking GOD. 

Gratitude is important because we often forget to give credits to the people. How many times did you thank your parents for the lifestyle you have? How many times did you thank the person who cooks for you? How many times did you thank your maid or your house help? How many times you thank GOD, for everything you have today?

Posting "I love you" on social media for someone who isn't there, is useless. Posting on social media is just an act of showing off. Why do you have to post "happy mothers day" with your Mom's picture on social media, when she doesn't even use social media? Isn't that a showing off thing? If you truly are thankful to someone, say it to them, not to the world (who doesn't care).

We human beings tend to forget things we must be grateful for. The farmers, who sow grains for us, the inventors of the technologies we use, the construction workers, the gatekeepers, the shopkeepers, the workers in the factory and everyone who makes our lives easy, and who works hard for their own survival, to earn money.  Here we are sitting in the comfort of our homes, in AC or Cooler in the hot 43 degree. 

Being grateful means you understand how much hard work goes behind all these small but hard works. Imagine, if there were no farmers, how would we get grains? If there were no labors, how would we get comfort? If there were no doctors or nurses, who would have treated you? 

Amitabh Bachchan is a renowned personality and when he tested positive for COVID-19, people all around the country were praying for him. But he thanked everyone for their prayers in a single message as he can't respond or reply to everyone. This is gratitude. Learn good acts from veterans.

Peeps, it's really easy to buy stuffs from money, but being grateful for the money you have is important. Being grateful for the talent you have, that you can earn money, is important. Being grateful to the people who made that possible, is important. Appreciating for what we had and what we have, is important. Appreciate the people you have in your life. Appreciate the world you live in. Appreciate the work you do. 

So, please be grateful for each and everything you have, for each and everyone you have. Appreciate people, for whatever effort they put in. Be kind to all the people from kids to your house helpers to your family members. 

 "Remember, kindness is the key." 

Take care peeps, until next time. Love♥️♥️ 

-PookieTheWriter.

Blame-Game!

"Behind every successful man, there is a woman."
You might have come across this quote in your lives at some point of time, through social media platforms. This quote simply means that women are the reason behind the success of a man. Women here can be mother, wife, daughter, or sister (mainly mother or wife though). This is one thing, which most people believe. This means that behind the success of #MukeshAmbani is his wife, Nita Ambani. This means behind the success of #ViratKohli is his mother.

But today people also say that, behind every unsuccessful man, there are two (women), or another woman. There are quotes online today like "A man's success has a lot to do, with the kind of woman he chooses to have in his life."
All these quotes simply mean that, women are the reason behind men's success as well their failures. There is basically no role of men in this, no work done by them. Everything is about having a woman or not having one in your life. Every mistake is of women, though she has her own life. The case with the woman is exactly opposite. We never say things like, because of a man, we aren't successful or we are successful.
Yes, family support is needed for doing something in life. But that doesn't guarantee success at all. Until and unless you work on your dreams, on your passion, no one can do anything for you. It's about your hard-work, which is going to pay off.

The whole idea here is, to show the reality of the society we today live in. If I'm successful, it has to do with me, not my husband or my not dad or my not brother. If you really want to do something, you can do it, on your own by fighting for it, even though people are trying to stop you or are against you.

I remember few incidents like when Virat Kohli wasn't performing, his wife (then girlfriend) was watching the match live in the stadium, people blamed his wife for it. People said she was distraction for him and they blamed her for his bad performance. Anushka Sharma said that, "I don’t want to take credit for his (Kohli’s) performance nor be blamed for his poor performance. My relationship with the person has nothing to do with my profession or the person’s profession,” in an interview with NDTV." Same incidents had occurred with Sania Mirza (wife of Shoaib Malik and a professional tennis player) and may be with more wives of cricketers.

They just go to stadium to watch the match and support or boost the morale of their spouses (some wives don't also go to watch the match but still are blamed). Why women are linked with bad performances of their male counterparts? Is it because they are couple? No one said anything when Virat's wife was there and he scored century or won match. No one gave Anushka credit for his wins.

Why everything has to do with women? Women are behind the success as well as failure of a man! What kind of stuff is this? How can you blame women for man's success? No one said anything to Virat, if Anushka Sharma's movie was not a hit. Isn't he a distraction for Anushka? No, why would he be? Because our society just allow women, to be blamed (they blame themselves) and drag them in man's life. If a male counterpart watches his wife's match, people would say he is such a "joru ka gulaam" which means slave of wives.

What a pity and sad world we live in today. Many women sacrifice their career, for their husbands, their kids and become homemaker and housewives, just for the sake of the family and if her husband isn't successful, it's her fault. If her kids aren't successful, it's her fault. What a concept it is!! We live in a society where if a husband beat his wife, it's okay (as if he has right to do so). If a woman beat her husband, she is dominant, cruel or psychopath. It is okay to obey your husband, but it isn't okay, to obey your wife in our society. SO CALLED MALE DOMINANT SOCIETY!!

**No one need anyone to be successful or unsuccessful. They just need to work hard towards their career, to be successful and if they don't, it's their own fault. (REGARDLESS OF THEIR GENDER)**

                       and "behind every successful man is HE, HIMSELF."

How I became a writer!

Hello everyone! I hope you guys are doing fine. It's been 2 years since I last posted here. But now I am back again and I promise to keep this blog as regular as possible.

Today, I'm gonna talk about "How I became a writer". I have read somewhere that people become writers, either when they fail or when someone breaks their heart. Well, in my case, both is applicable. First I failed and then someone broke my heart 😂.
It's funny now, because it has been 6 years now, since I publicly and properly started writing. Prior to that, I used to write my personal diary (which was my best friend at that time) and then I stopped. All my life, I have been doing this on and off thing. But now things are different. I write something on a daily basis. It may be a small quote or a thought or may be my entire day. 

Writing has always helped me to escape from bitter truth of life. When I am angry, I write. When I am happy, I write. When I am upset or feeling low, I write. I am not a person who shares her pain or her feelings or her emotions to anyone (not even my closest friend). I write it and then keep it somewhere no one can read it, I hide it, I lock it. (at least till I'm alive).
So, in the year 2012, I shifted to Jaipur from Itanagar (Capital city of Arunachal Pradesh). I had to choose a stream for my 11th standard. I chose Science because most of my friends took it and I loved doing "Out of the box" thing (I still do) even if I can't (try karne mein kya harz hai?). No one in my family (whom I know at least), took Science as a stream and it was unique thing to do. So, I chose Science with Mathematics (It's in my blood) and I took admission in MGPS, Vidhyadhar Nagar (VDN) which was eventually a girls school. 
All my classmates were studious. They were in big institutes like Akash, Allen, etc., who wanted to pursue IIT and become an architect. I also said to myself, I will also become an architect as I can sketch pretty well. I wasn't taking any tuition till then (self-confidence). But as my half-yearly exam's result came out, I failed in most of the subjects (I don't remember precisely though). Then in Parents-Teacher Meeting, my class teacher said that I have to work hard and do something about it and I decided to go for coaching of Chemistry. I took Chemistry classes from one great teacher, with whom I lost contact now (and it's not a good thing to lose such a great teacher). She was very good at the subject and she taught me pretty well. I thought I understood whatever she taught me. I hardly had any friends in class because of being dumb and useless (I feel). I was good at nothing. I missed my friends, at my old school a lot.
I didn't really took SCIENCE seriously and was ignorant of the fact that it will cause me big. I had smartphone also at that time and was busy with every other stuff, but not studies. 

Now, here comes the final exams and later it's result. Guess what, I failed miserably. I failed in all my subjects (including mathematics). On the day my result came out, I wasn't in Jaipur and so my brother went to take my marks-card. He called and shouted because I FAILED and I started crying. Everyone was blaming me and this and that. Then my dad called and he said, "Beta, it's okay, we will do something about this. Let me come to Jaipur first (he was in Itanagar). I was feeling very guilty about my mistake of taking science, not studying and everything. And the thought of suicide came to mind (typical student thought after not digesting failure). Railway tracks were very near to my house and it was a good idea. But, before that, I thought of my dad and how much he loved me and here I am still alive, happy enough and healthy too. 
Also, the same day, I had some Samsung's smartphone and I was pissed at myself and then my cousin little brother and I threw the phone on the floor and it broke. It's screen was gone. I get really very angry and either my stuffs or me face the consequences. 
Soon after all these dramas, my dad came and we went to my school. We tried to talk to the principal about my future, but we couldn't. They didn't allowed me and my dad to talk to principal and we were only allowed to talk to Vice-Principal. We tried hard to contact the Principal, but he wasn't even ready for it. So, the VP gave me two options. First one was to repeat the class with the same stream and different students (which would make me feel more guilty) and the other one was to repeat the class with different stream. I asked him that, can I take Commerce and be in 12th standard because I had 1 and half months time and I will cover the course. But, he denied. At last, I took Commerce and my dad tried hard in so many different good (reputed) schools for my admission, so that I have not to repeat the same class again. But everyone denied. Some schools didn't wanted me even to repeat the class because "I wasn't intelligent and their schools had some reputation" 
My dad said at that time that, "If you take weak student and make them intelligent or at least average student, then it is education. What is the use of taking the smart and studious kid, who already study well?" Isn't this true in our society? Every school, every college wants students who has at least 50% or more percentage in academics. WHY? At one side we say, marks doesn't matter and at the other end, only 90% and above percentile students gets admission in TOP COLLEGES! But today, everything is a part of market and they sell their education to us and we buy it. We all want to go to colleges, whom we pay huge amount of money, who has good reputation, good infrastructure, good facilities and so on. 
So, my dad tried for some other good schools through jack (no donation), but it didn't worked out. Thanks to Tagore Public School, Vaishali Nagar, and it's principal to take me as their student though I had to repeat the same class with Commerce stream. 
It took me little time to adjust to the school and my class and I made good friends. I started writing some quotes and thoughts on piece of paper. One day, either I showed it to my friend or my friend asked me to show her (I don't remember exactly) and this way my friends encouraged me to write more and in some diary and I continued. It's so good when someone appreciates your work, as it gives us dedication to do that work even more. And thanks to my friends who made me write and gave me the name GOOGLE (I had answers to their questions😂). I used to write for them. I still am in contact with my school friends.
Also, at this time, I became really very serious about studies and I scored 83% in my 11th standard without any tuition and I was kind of famous in my school too (talented I was). This was I continued and I scored 79% in my 12th board exams (without any tuition) and I never looked back and cried about my failure. It was a slap on all the faces who once said bad stuffs to me and my parents.  
I still hear taunts from people about my failure. But now I just don't care as I have had enough of it and I answer back, "Isn't it a good thing that I failed because of it I am a WRITER." And people, where do you stand? Are you following your passion at all? I have grown in life and become what not everyone is, where are you in the market place? I am confident about my writing and proud of it (in a positive way). "Gurror nahi Garv hai kudh par." 

Hence, Failure made me a writer not an architect😛.

Thank you peeps. Take care and see you soon on my next blog post. 🙏